Judgy parents…stay away from me

The Monster mums

And just like that, I’m going on a rant!

NOTE: This blog post has literally nothing to do with acting.

I don’t mind how you want to raise your child, but I really don’t love it when it’s shoved in my face. If you only feed your baby organic, vegan, nutritious snacks bought from your local health food store – go you! In our house, sometimes Pom Bears are a weekly staple. I’ve learned to let that one go.

Also side note – if you are like me and nod as you read this post, please buy Hurrah for Gin along with every other book that Katie Kirby has sold. I’m telling you, that’s therapy in a hilarious book. But I digress….

Think you’re an all-time hero because you’re a breastfeeding legend, well done you! Just remember while you are proudly posting your breasts everywhere and screaming *breast is best* that some women just can’t produce milk. No lactation consultant or otherwise makes a lick of difference. Yeah, it’s hard for almost all mums, and it often takes a while before it gets easier, but sometimes babies need more than mummy can produce. And that’s okay! And in a first world country like ours where we have such incredible alternatives, who am I to be judging the ones who choose formula. Or need to use formula.

And yes, sometimes my toddler likes to stand up in his pram facing me as we zoom along. He stands up and watches everything from a different perspective. He’s totally okay, and he’s confident standing and he is calm. The most important thing is he is calm and happy. So I don’t need you mumbling “well that’s not safe under your breath”. I’m pretty sure I can decide on my child’s safety.

And yes, he’s got cool crazy long-ish hair and we love it. Occasionally (almost weekly) he gets called a girl by someone and that’s okay. He looks freaking cool with his hair like that. So that’s how it is going to be for now. You don’t need to check if we are getting his haircut soon. We get them when it gets in his eyes. He’s okay!

I don’t mind what mummies do, I really don’t, but boy oh boy do I find it exhausting scrolling through endless perfect posts of mums with their babes. Reality isn’t like that – unless you have truckloads of cash – which most of the world doesn’t. Perhaps I need to clean my Instagram account and just follow the realist baby families for some closure on this. Surely there are some out there. Where are the Celeste Barber “mums” of the world? All the ladies!!….

Sorry to all the mummies who are literally perfect, and have glamorous staged lives, and excellent amounts of milk that they produce constantly, and manicured nails and glossy hair and nannies and photographers and blah blah blah but, I’ll be the first to raise my hand 🙋🏻‍♀️ and say that for most of us, real “mum life” isn’t like that. It’s actually more like constantly feeding your kid snacks that annoy you because they’ve cleverly decided to reduce their food choices to strawberries, Pom Bears, cheese, pasta and rice cakes….Well, that is until one of those “fads” also gets phased out by your mini food monster. And reality is actually more like cleaning the floor constantly, wiping dirty bums, dealing with millions of colourful toys left everywhere, wiping pen marks off places that they shouldn’t be, finding lego under your foot…ouch, and trying to work out why not a single pair of those tiny f’ing socks match anytime you do a load of washing (for the nineteenth time that week).

shark stepping on lego
Rare footage of a shark stepping on Lego

Ahhhhh. Nope real life mumming is an exhausting mind field and a wonderful amalgamation of making stuff work, desperately trying to find more time where none exists, and not getting sleep. And that’s okay. As long as you stay out of my way and don’t tell me how to do my job I’m okay! I have my own mum friends to text and reach out to when I need support and advice.

Peace out. Rant over. Thank you perfect mum!

Yours The messy mum

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