There’s only so much pie one can eat – right?
But is there any limit to the amount of ‘niceness’ one can offer to another? I honestly don’t believe that there is.
A friend lovingly said to me on the phone last week that I am constantly helping others and that is one of the reason’s why I am successful. I felt all warm and fuzzy after she said that. Then after the endorphins calmed down I thought more about what she had said. Is being nice to others really leading me to having so much success. Well I can’t think why it wouldn’t. If we are helpful and open to others then one can only imagine that eventually that loveliness will result in a pay back. But it should never be about that.
Remember a few months back I wrote about “grace” in my Grace under fire post, and what that means, and how we can earn it or lose it (in my version of the world). Well isn’t being nice the same. If you are conveniently nice when it suits you, and not nice when you can’t be bothered, are you really doing the right thing? In the same way if you are always always always helping others, and never helping yourself, aren’t you sabotaging your own success for the desire to make others feel better over your own needs.
We have limites. We have our own lives. We have our own goals.
Unless I am paying a manager to work on my career, I’m pretty sure that my goal ‘to one day earn an Oscar nomination’ isn’t the goal that my acting pals are shooting for. Maybe they are for themselves as well, but I am 99.999999% sure they aren’t trying daily to work on ME getting an Oscar. It doesn’t work like that.
Here’s a suggestion: You can’t fix everyone else, and you’ll barely have enough time in this life to fix yourself (even if you aren’t broken). If you want to fix people, go and study to be a doctor or nurse. But if you want to act, then find a way to be both altruistic and realistic.
Sometimes I choose to get distracted [being nice] helping others with their own objectives and path because it makes me feel good, ignoring that I am literally using this as a blanket to put off focusing on my own goals. They don’t always need as much help as I profess they do. It ends up being to the detriment of my own career. I find I have to be careful not to do this simply because I’m literally using it as an excuse to put off working on me.
It is very important to be there to support your acting friends. It is wonderful to send an audition that is relevant to a friend, help with auditions, share a blog that might make them smile, or recommend them to a director you know for a role you think they’d be swell in. I know that it feels wonderful to support your inner circle and to love, nourish and help them. But absolutely make sure you take the time to nurture, nourish and flourish in your own career too. Be nice to yourself. Sometimes you might just need to have some time to yourself. It’s okay to say tonight is my night off. Don’t be afraid to don on your oldest warm pyjamas, your 5 year old worn Ugg boots and watch reruns of your favourite TV show on the couch. That is your prerogative after all. Find your inner balance away from you nice goddess.
Just occasionally, buzz from the inside because you are being nice to you, while still maintaining that you can get onto the nice police tomorrow and back to work.
Cause don’t we all know how good it feels to be nice. Everyone loves a good egg, don’t they?